Domestic abuse is a big problem in this country.

It has been a problem in my life, since I was a little girl.

My father was abusive towards my mom when I was little.  I remember being scared a lot, and having tummy aches often.  I remember my father drinking and my mom, older sister, and I running to a neighbor’s house when he got a gun out.  But I really don’t remember a whole lot from my childhood, because I must have blacked out a lot of bad memories.  I’ve just realized as an adult that I was probably suicidal as a child.  I remember being afraid that I would open the car door and jump out, while it was moving.  I didn’t WANT to do it, but I was afraid I would.  I didn’t.

I married the first guy that paid much attention to me.  Little did I know that he was abusive, like my father.  Looking back, I see a sad person, with low self esteem.  But I thought I married a 6’1″ guy with a  lot of charisma.  What I really did was marry a guy who was a pro at manipulating people.  Around most other people, he was a great guy.  Fun to be around.  With me, he lost his charm.  He egged me on until I couldn’t take it anymore, and when I tried to make him stop, he’d start hitting me.

The worst time was probably when I was about 2 or 3 months pregnant with my second child.  He beat me really bad, including kicking me in the head and stomach.  That was the time I almost killed him in his sleep.  He was drunk, as usual, and fell asleep, so I thought it was my chance.   I stood over him with a wrought iron skillet over his head, but I didn’t hit him, because I was afraid I wouldn’t do it hard enough, and he’d come after me and kill me.  So, I left, and called the police.  To make a long story short, his mom bailed him out of jail, just like she’d done all his life, and I ended up in a women’s shelter.

But, as many women do, I took him back.  I believed his lies of not doing it again.  He was sorry.  Oh yes.  He was ALWAYS sorry.  He was sorry when he beat K.M., the girl he dated before me, and H., the girl he dated after me.  I don’t know how many women he has been with, but I’d bet he’s been sorry to about 80% of them.  Even though, IT WASN’T HIS FAULT.

Yeah, that’s the problem with most abusers.  It’s never their fault.  Apparently, there is some supernatural force that takes control over their body and forces them to beat up women.  It’s a sad state of affairs, I tell you.  These poor, unsuspecting men meet women who know exactly which buttons to push, and they have no choice but to bash their faces in.  Someone really should stop these evil women.

Yeah.  Right.

But, you see, it’s not just the wives and girlfriends that bare the brunt of the problem.  In most cases, children are born during these unions, and they also suffer at the hands of their fathers.  Sometimes they actually see their father beating on their mother, which is damaging enough, but a lot of the time, the father ends up being a DEAD BEAT DAD.

Yes, you heard me right.  DEAD BEAT DAD.

Can you imagine a man who fathers a child (children), then after a separation, completely neglects to join in on the care of that child?  Can you imagine a man who NEVER willingly pays one red cent towards his child’s support???  I know such a man.  If you can call him that.  Personally, I don’t consider him a man at all.  The only time he’s paid his child support is when the state took it out of his paycheck, which was several years after he should have started paying.  He also never made any effort to see his children.  No birthday cards.  No Christmas presents.  NOTHING.

That’s exactly what he is to me now.  Nothing.  As my present husband would say, he’s not worth the  power of lead to blow him up.

But you know what good has come out of all this???  I SURVIVED!!!

I never thought of myself as a strong person.  And I still have trouble telling myself that I have the strength to get through some things.  But I got through my ex-husband.  And if I can get through that, I can get through anything.

I am a survivor.

If you are being abused, and need help, call the domestic abuse hotline… 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233).

http://www.thehotline.org/